How to be a good husband?
Is it just saying yes to your wife all the time?
Is it the old saying — “Happy wife, happy life”?
Or maybe it’s about compromise — meeting in the middle?
There are countless books, podcasts, and videos that offer tips and tactics for being a better husband. Some may be helpful. Some may sound wise. But at the end of the day, do they truly work?
To answer this question, we have to go back to the very beginning.
What is marriage? Who created it?
If we can straighten that out, the question of how to be a good husband becomes much clearer — though still not easy to live out.
Thankfully, God hasn’t left us guessing.
He’s given us His design and guidance in the Bible.
What Is Marriage?
You might laugh at this question. It seems simple: Isn’t marriage just two people living together with a marriage certificate?
That’s what many people believe — and it shows. Go to a modern wedding and listen to the vows. Most are based on feelings — being there for each other “as long as love shall last.”
That’s why, when the feelings fade, so many marriages fall apart.
But that’s not the biblical view of marriage.
In a Christian wedding, you’ll often hear words like:
“In sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, until death do us part.”
That’s not just a poetic promise — it’s a vow, a sacred covenant between a man, a woman, and God Himself.
“That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.”
— Genesis 2:24 (NIV)
Marriage is not just a romantic arrangement. It is God’s creation, and a reflection of something far greater — the relationship between Christ and His Church.
Without knowing God’s Word, we cannot fully understand what it means to be a husband or a wife.
How to Be a Good Husband
So, what does the Bible say about being a husband?
Let’s explore three key areas of responsibility that Scripture clearly lays out:
1. Be the Head of Your Wife
(See: 1 Corinthians 11:3, Ephesians 5:22–24)
This is about order, not superiority.
God designed the family with structure. Just as Christ is the head of the Church, the husband is the head of the wife. This doesn’t mean controlling or dominating — it means leading with love, humility, and spiritual responsibility.
Adam was created first, then Eve. But when Eve was deceived in the garden, Adam — who had received God’s command firsthand — failed to lead. He failed to step in. He failed to protect. Then, he blamed Eve instead of taking responsibility.
Being the head means ministering to your wife.
When she is weak, you lift her up.
When she is struggling, you stand in the gap.
When your family drifts, you lead them back to Christ.
God didn’t speak to Eve in the garden first — He spoke to Adam. Husbands, this means you are spiritually accountable. If you want your wife and kids to walk in faith, you must be walking with Christ first.
2. Love Your Wife Sacrificially
(See: Ephesians 5:25)
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”
This is not the emotional love we hear about in pop songs or movie scripts. This is sacrificial, unconditional, Christ-like love.
It’s a love so deep that you’re willing to die for your wife — and live every day laying yourself down for her good.
Jesus loved us not because we were lovable, but because He chose to. In the same way, this love remains even when your wife is difficult, even when you’re tired, even when circumstances are hard.
If husbands loved their wives like this, wouldn’t it be easier for wives to respect their husbands (Ephesians 5:33)? This love inspires trust, not fear. It is steady, secure, and full of grace.
3. Love Your Wife Gently
“Husbands, love your wives and be gentle with them.”
— Colossians 3:19 (NIV)
God not only commands husbands to love their wives, but to be gentle with them. This is an often overlooked part of being a godly husband, but it’s deeply important — because God created men and women differently, by design.
Women tend to be more emotionally and relationally attuned — more sensitive, more expressive, more affected by tone and body language. That’s not a weakness. That’s how God wired them. And He’s telling husbands clearly: treat your wife with gentleness — in your voice, in your words, in your responses, and in your physical presence.
Gentleness doesn’t mean weakness — it means strength under control.
When a husband leads with gentleness, it creates harmony in the home. It diffuses tension. It fosters safety, especially during conflict. It softens hearts and opens doors for honest communication.
But here’s the truth — this kind of gentleness doesn’t always come naturally to men. And that’s okay. You’re not expected to be perfect. But you are expected to grow.
Ask God to help you.
Pray for sensitivity to your wife’s emotions and needs.
Seek wisdom and maturity from older, happily married Christian men — those who’ve walked this road and can model it well. Mimic them. Learn from their quiet strength, their humility, their patience.
Because loving your wife gently isn’t a side note — it’s part of the command.
It reflects the heart of Christ. And when you live this way, you give your wife a gift the world rarely offers — security, tenderness, and Christ-like love.
4. Serve Your Wife
“but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant,[c] being born in the likeness of men.”
— Philippians 2:7 (NIV)
“He laid aside his outer garments, and taking a towel, tied it around his waist. 5 Then he poured water into a basin and began to wash the disciples’ feet and to wipe them with the towel that was wrapped around him.”
– John 13: 4-5 (NIV)(Read the whole story in John 13:1–17 )
Christ didn’t come to be served — He came to serve. He washed His disciples’ feet. He carried our burdens. He laid down His life.
Husbands, how do you serve your wife?
- Do you spend quality time with her?
- Do you know her needs, her burdens, her desires?
- Do you pray for her — out loud, regularly, and with intention?
The Bible refers to the wife as the weaker vessel (1 Peter 3:7) — not in value, but in vulnerability. That means husbands are called to honor, nurture, and protect their wives. Serving her isn’t weakness — it’s strength in action.
Conclusion: Follow the Handbook
Being a good husband isn’t about checking boxes or following cultural advice. It’s about returning to God’s Word — the handbook for marriage.
When a husband follows God’s design,
- Marriage becomes a place of peace, not pressure.
- Wives feel safe, cherished, and honored.
- Children grow up secure, watching godliness livedout.
- And society flourishes with stronger, more faithful homes.
It’s not easy. In fact, it’s impossible without God’s help.
But if you are willing to walk in obedience, lean on Scripture, and lead with love, you will begin to experience the joy and blessing that marriage was always meant to bring.
Thank God, He doesn’t just call us to be good husbands —
He equips us for it too.