The Mentality of Marriage: Leave and Cleave
“That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.” — Genesis 2:24 (NIV) Marriage isn’t just a romantic idea. It’s not just about falling in love or planning a beautiful wedding. Marriage is a sacred covenant, created by God, and it comes with a mindset shift — one that many couples don’t realize they need until the wedding day has come and gone. That shift is what Scripture calls leave and cleave. Before we marry, we must understand the weight and beauty of this calling.
Leave Your Parents
1. Mentally Leave Your Parents
Leaving doesn’t mean dishonoring. It means stepping into a new season with a new loyalty and maturity. Many couples struggle not because they don’t love each other, but because their minds are still tied to their parents’ expectations, opinions, or approval. Mentally leaving your parents means your spouse becomes your first priority — not Mom or Dad, no matter how close the relationship.
2. Physically Leave Your Parents
While this isn’t always immediate due to life circumstances, the goal should always be to build a home that is yours — not a continuation of your childhood home. Sharing space can complicate boundaries. Scripture points us toward building something new: a man leaves his father and mother. Physically leaving creates space for a new home to form — emotionally, spiritually, and practically. With all above being said, if your circumstances don’t allow you to live separately from your parent(s), it doesn’t mean you and your spouse have to move out. But expecting there will be challenges. We will explore more in this area in the future.
3. Financially Leave Your Parents
This part often gets overlooked. Financial independence is key to marital unity. Relying on your parents’ wallet after marriage can complicate decisions and create an invisible imbalance in your relationship. Establishing your own financial life allows a couple to truly stand together, make decisions together, and depend on God — not on extended family — for provision and direction.
What Does It Mean to Cleave?
To cleave means to cling tightly, to hold fast, to become joined together in such a way that separation becomes nearly impossible. In Hebrew, it conveys a powerful bonding — a fusing of two into one. That’s why Scripture continues: “…and they become one flesh.” This isn’t a surface-level connection. It’s deep. Sacred. Total. In a world that celebrates individualism and keeping options open, God’s design for marriage is radical: complete oneness. That means no secrets. No hidden bank accounts. No private lives. No “outs.” A husband and wife are to cleave to one another so closely that there is no room for division, temptation, or loneliness to take root.
Marriage Is Hard — But It’s Worth It
Let’s be honest. Cleaving is not easy. You’re uniting two people who didn’t grow up in the same home, who think differently, live, and love differently. That takes effort, humility, and a daily choice to choose unity over comfort. That’s why premarital counseling is so valuable. It gives couples a space to confront differences, set expectations, and begin practicing the kind of communication that will carry them through the tough days. It also helps to watch and imitate wise, joy-filled Christian couples who have walked the road ahead. Find a married couple that radiates Christ’s love and humility, and learn from them. Ask questions. Observe their habits. Let their example be a compass. Because leave and cleave isn’t a one-time event at the altar — it’s a lifelong practice. A daily decision to hold fast. And when done God’s way, it brings about a love that is deep, rich, and beautifully unbreakable. Let’s pursue that kind of marriage. One that leaves behind what no longer belongs, cleaves tightly to one another, and holds fast to Christ — the true center of every lasting union.
